Why “Let Them Work It Out” Is Dangerous
"They'll figure it out."
"Dogs know what they're doing."
"Don't interfere—they have to settle it themselves."
If I had a treat for every time I heard those phrases, I'd need a much bigger treat pouch.
Here's the truth:
Sometimes dogs can solve little disagreements on their own. But when emotions are running high, "letting them work it out" can turn a small problem into a very big one.
Let's talk about why.
Not Every Growl Is a Fight
First things first...
Dogs disagree sometimes.
One dog growls because another got too close to their bed.
The other dog walks away.
Problem solved!
That's healthy communication.
Dogs use body language, growls, and other signals to avoid conflict every single day.
The goal isn't to stop dogs from communicating.
The goal is to keep disagreements from turning into fights.
Dogs Aren't Relationship Counselors
Imagine two people are arguing.
One is scared.
The other is frustrated.
Neither knows how to calm down.
Would you lock them in a room and say,
"Work it out!"
Probably not.
Dogs are no different.
When emotions take over, the thinking part of the brain takes a back seat.
They're reacting—not making thoughtful decisions.
Every Fight Changes the Relationship
This is the part many people don't realize.
Dogs remember bad experiences.
If Dog A bites Dog B...
Dog B may start thinking,
"Uh-oh. That dog isn't safe anymore."
The next time they see each other, they may become nervous before anything even happens.
That tension can build over time.
One fight often makes the next fight more likely.
Think of trust like a glass vase.
Once it's cracked, you can glue it back together—but it may never look exactly the same.
Fights Usually Get Bigger
Rarely do I get a call that starts with:
"They had one tiny disagreement six months ago, and nothing has happened since."
More often, I hear:
"The fights are getting worse."
That's because every scary interaction teaches both dogs something.
They become faster to react.
Quicker to worry.
More prepared to defend themselves.
Waiting for dogs to "work it out" often gives them more chances to practice fighting.
Practice Makes...Permanent
We've all heard that practice makes perfect.
Well...
Dogs get better at behaviors they practice, too.
Every time a dog growls and the other dog backs away...
That guarding behavior worked.
Every time a fight ends because one dog leaves...
The dogs learned fighting solved the problem.
The more those behaviors are repeated, the stronger they become.
That's why early intervention matters so much.
Stress Doesn't Just Disappear
After a fight, many families put the dogs back together right away.
Please don't.
Even if everyone looks calm, stress hormones are still hanging around.
Think about the last time something scared you.
Did you feel completely relaxed five minutes later?
Probably not.
Dogs need time to recover.
Rushing them back together too soon can make another fight much more likely.
Punishment Doesn't Solve the Problem
Sometimes people try to stop fighting by yelling, spraying water, or using punishment.
Here's the problem:
Punishment may stop the behavior for a moment...
But it doesn't change the emotions underneath it.
If a dog is afraid, frustrated, or overwhelmed, punishment often adds even more stress.
That's like putting a lid on a boiling pot.
The pressure is still building.
So...What SHOULD You Do?
If your dogs are having repeated conflicts:
Separate Them
Management isn't failure.
It's safety.
Use:
Baby gates
Exercise pens
Separate rooms
Crates (if your dogs are already comfortable using them)
Giving dogs space prevents more rehearsals of unwanted behavior.
Become a Dog Detective
Ask yourself:
What happened right before the conflict?
Was food involved?
A toy?
The couch?
Attention from a person?
Were they tired?
Excited?
Startled?
Patterns tell us much more than isolated events.
Reduce Stress
Dogs make better decisions when they aren't overwhelmed.
Help them get:
Enough sleep
Daily enrichment
Predictable routines
Individual attention
Breaks from each other when needed
A calmer brain learns faster.
Get Professional Help Early
Don't wait until someone gets seriously hurt.
The earlier you involve a qualified, positive reinforcement behavior consultant, the more options you usually have.
Sometimes your veterinarian may also recommend a medical workup or behavior medication if stress or anxiety is playing a big role.
What About Puppies?
People often expect adult dogs to "teach puppies a lesson."
Sometimes an adult dog will set healthy boundaries.
That's normal.
But if the puppy keeps pestering and the adult dog has to correct them over and over?
That's a sign the humans need to step in.
Your older dog shouldn't have to become the full-time puppy police.
That's your job.
The Bottom Line
Dogs don't benefit from being forced to "work it out."
They benefit from feeling safe.
They benefit from having enough space.
They benefit from humans who pay attention before small disagreements become dangerous fights.
At Sits 'n Wiggles, we don't believe in crossing our fingers and hoping dogs solve problems on their own. We believe in understanding why the conflict is happening, preventing more rehearsals, and teaching dogs the skills they need to feel safe around each other.
Because the best dog fight is the one that never happens.
